TOM

It's THAT time again. Yes, indeedy. Don't I sound like a broken record? Is that all I can find to write about these days?? Heh, you would think. But yep, according to my calculations, I'm expecting Uncle TOM'S wife (Aunt Flo) again this weekend already (ALREADY!)-- so consequently I'm mired deep in PreMenstrual, Uncomfortable, Ragingly Hungry, Hormonal, Impulse-Challenged, Thick-Waisted Syndrome Hell on this lovely, hot, solstice day....

I've been eating watermelon. Lots of it. Seems to help....

If it doesn't rain tonight, though lord knows we need it around here, I'm going to try to get out of the house and move my body around in some semblance of exercise-like activity. Because, despite the oppressive heat and humidity, I desperately need it....

Carry on....

Weird

Ok. Against my better judgement, I weighed myself at my folks' last night. I could hardly believe my eyes.... 239. I felt compelled to repeat stepping on the scale a few times, just to be sure. How, I ask you, how can I be FEELING thinner, my pants fitting looser, my ring easier to slide on and off, my hip bones emerging when I lie on my back in bed -- how can I then be weighing HEAVIER according to the scale???? And don't give me the ol' 'muscle weighs more than fat' excuse, because I have'nt BEEN doing muscle-building exercise to speak of (actually outside of gardening and housework, barely any exercise at all lately). Gah...!

I hope I've learned my lesson finally. Scale Shmale -- just stay the hell away from it....

Hormone Hell

Still alive and kicking. On the nondisordered eating front, things are going well again -- although I was feeling like I hit a bump in the road there for a bit. My period really hit me hard this time around. I don't know what's up -- but my cycles have been getting increasingly unpleasant and difficult. Not just my actual menstruation, but the whole week of pms time before it too. It's really quite miserable actually. The physical AND psychological symptoms. The bloating, constipation, fatigue, breast pain, hunger, malaise, swelling, mood swings, not to mention the classic cramping and heavy blood loss et al of the actual event. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. But I just didn't feel like myself at all this last time, for nearly two WHOLE weeks. And here I am in the middle of my cycle already -- ready to charge up again. Yuk....

When I'm in the middle of it all that turbulent hormonal flux, I must say it's a lot more challenging to keep my emotions in check and impulses under control. There were a few days there where I really thought I was losing it. I was eating more than I had been, and with a markedly increased appetite. Everything seemed irresistable --despite continuing on with the shangri-la method, which I'd previously thought to be working well for me. That felt discouraging. And I made the big mistake of weighing myself in the middle of it all -- 238 pounds. No gain, but no loss either -- and became dismayed by that, in spite of myself. My pants were feeling tighter again too, and my waist thicker -- which had me in a small panic (never mind that that's a typical menstrual symptom -- how long have I been menstruating??? After nearly 30 years I should know better by now). I obviously continue to harbor a secret terror of reverting back to my disordered ways of eating, that kept me in perpetual misery for so many years. But, that last hormonal storm passed, and I'm now on even keel again. My pants are again loose, and my waist back to normal. The shangri-la method again seems effective, thank goodness. My eating remains non-disordered at this time.....

Of course, my marriage is a mess right now -- but that's a whole 'nother story....