My daughter and I patronized a local street festival the other night. It was near enough to walk on over and we had a fun time just being out and about. There was music and entertainment, and, as usual, like the county fair from last month, there was a plentitude of requsite, expensive and greasy, fair-style food from which to select, though I honestly just wasn't personally particularly interested (though I admit I did have one small bite of my daughter's curley fries, and another from her Dippin' Dots). My only real food indulgence was an ear of sweet corn (it was a bit tough) -- plus a small glass of sweet tea my daughter and I shared (the only thing we could find to purchase to use up the one spare ticket we had leftover). Even then the glass held far more ice than actual tea, so....
In any case, for my birthday earlier this month (hello, 42!)? My family bought me an ice cream maker for my gift, as per my special request. I had an electric maker from years ago -- purchased second hand at a church rummage sale for a buck. It was old and quite crappy -- but we could still manage to make vegan ice cream in it from time to time, just for kicks. It pooped out on me though the last time I tried it some years back. And besides, it was always such a sloppy mess to deal with -- what with the ice and the salt, the dripping and sloshing all over the place. These newer models out today are such a radical improvement it isnt' even funny -- no ice nor salt required (just the insert that one keeps frozen in the freezer). And it can just sit on the kitchen counter top to do its thing (instead of on the driveway or garage floor in order to contain the mess). Anyway, my husband and kids really love frozen desserts - but it's expensive to buy the nondairy stuff very often. I thought having a working one of our own again would be a fun, family-oriented thing to have and do -- and so far so good. Using the book "Vice Cream" (non dairy recipes), we've whipped a few varieties in recent weeks -- in particular one last night that turned out pretty well. 'Pumpkin' Vice Cream, no less (turned out not too shabby!). The base of the vice creams is ground cashews, as opposed to dairy or soy -- so it's certainly not low fat here. Thanfully, I've never been a HUGE ice cream fan (not to the extreme anyway -- like some people can be. I mean, I like it and all -- but I've never been one to go crazy) -- dairy or otherwise, so it's really not a terrible temptation for me anyway, beyond just sampling modest amounts for the taste of it. Mostly it's fun just to have a new novelty around the house to experiment with ....
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Gymmy Gym Gym....
A small moment of silence to commemorate my 8th month anniversary of gym membership (which technically was a few days ago but better late than never anyway)....
......................
Here's to you -- my small, inexpensive, handy/nearby/convenient, no-frills gym. You continue to meet my basic needs and serve me well, and for that I thank you....
When I entered the gym doors last night, after a more stressful last couple of days, I was feeling like one big ugly tangle of knotted and irritated nerves. I knew working out would help with that, and it did. Talk about mood stabilization -- I left the gym feeling considerably more clear headed. Thank you, endorphins. And no, I didn't make a point of killing myself on the machines either -- just a nice, moderate, little workout. Because one truly doesn't have to become a Jane Fonda to reap the results, as I'm beginning to fully understand (because I'm faaaaaar from a work out queen). Still, I'm recognizing more and more that my work outs are becoming simply like my 'medicine' -- a huge chunk in the puzzle of my overall health (physical AND mental) and well being.
......................
Here's to you -- my small, inexpensive, handy/nearby/convenient, no-frills gym. You continue to meet my basic needs and serve me well, and for that I thank you....
When I entered the gym doors last night, after a more stressful last couple of days, I was feeling like one big ugly tangle of knotted and irritated nerves. I knew working out would help with that, and it did. Talk about mood stabilization -- I left the gym feeling considerably more clear headed. Thank you, endorphins. And no, I didn't make a point of killing myself on the machines either -- just a nice, moderate, little workout. Because one truly doesn't have to become a Jane Fonda to reap the results, as I'm beginning to fully understand (because I'm faaaaaar from a work out queen). Still, I'm recognizing more and more that my work outs are becoming simply like my 'medicine' -- a huge chunk in the puzzle of my overall health (physical AND mental) and well being.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Healthy Attitude
I've had some awesome workouts at the gym this week, and have been feeling all around generally positive and strong these last several days. For one thing, "Aunt Flo" from "Red Creek Farm" came and went in regards to her monthly visit. That always has the effect of making me feel like a new person (well, for a few short days anyway -- until the cycle begins all over again that is). Also, the weather has been fantastic --sunny with comfortable, low dew points and reasonable temperatures (and in August no less --how weird). High heat and humidity always saps my energy and makes me feel sluggishly, so I've definitely had this in my favor lately (thank you global warming?).....
Whatever the cause, I feel strong and capable right now. Small things really, just in everyday life -- but which make such a difference in my attitude. Carrying groceries into the house with minimal effort and slinging the bags around with abandon, for example. Running up two flights of stairs in search of a restroom in an old building the other day -- just for fun. Gardening with a frenzy whenever the mood strikes. Rarely, if ever, getting sick. Long and enjoyable bike rides. Poking and fondling the bulkiness that is my contracted bicep -- yep, it's definitely in there all right, getting ever bigger and stronger (even if it is still pretty much hidden-- oh well!). Seeing my friends eyes widen in unexpected surprise when I force THEM to feel said rippling biceps, heh. Just all around improved energy and mood. So yeah --despite no dramatic weight loss (hey, a gal could dream, couldn't she?) ... nor even, in my case, ANY weight loss (nada,zero, zilch -- yep), these last 7 months of working out have made great physical, as well as psychological, improvements.....
I *FEEL* better, healthier -- and that's nothing to sneeze at.....
Whatever the cause, I feel strong and capable right now. Small things really, just in everyday life -- but which make such a difference in my attitude. Carrying groceries into the house with minimal effort and slinging the bags around with abandon, for example. Running up two flights of stairs in search of a restroom in an old building the other day -- just for fun. Gardening with a frenzy whenever the mood strikes. Rarely, if ever, getting sick. Long and enjoyable bike rides. Poking and fondling the bulkiness that is my contracted bicep -- yep, it's definitely in there all right, getting ever bigger and stronger (even if it is still pretty much hidden-- oh well!). Seeing my friends eyes widen in unexpected surprise when I force THEM to feel said rippling biceps, heh. Just all around improved energy and mood. So yeah --despite no dramatic weight loss (hey, a gal could dream, couldn't she?) ... nor even, in my case, ANY weight loss (nada,zero, zilch -- yep), these last 7 months of working out have made great physical, as well as psychological, improvements.....
I *FEEL* better, healthier -- and that's nothing to sneeze at.....
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Is it really August already????
My Moon Time is scheduled to happen Any Minute. So let's get on with it shall we??? Please!
It's always so hard for me to stick with any resolve during p.m.s. time. Perhaps I should just accept this (?). Hmmm, can I get ahead in a healthful way physically if I stick to a plan only 3 weeks out of every month? (well, I suppose it's better than unhealthful habits 4 weeks of every month, no?)....
It's been a little while since my last entry, and several things have changed around here since then. Probably the most significant is that my darling teenage son, whom we all adore (all that is, but his younger sister, heh), has returned to us from the 6 week athletic camp/intensive thingie he was participating in in another state this summer. He learned a lot and improved skills and it was overall a great experience for him. We went to fetch him and bring him back just over a week ago. I missed him very much while he was away of course, and thrilled to have him back home....
However, I must confess, having him back in the house does change the dynamic around the household considerably. The 'energy' is different, the overall activity level has ramped way up. And especially when it comes to food, meals and eating? Very different!
Just an all-around great kid -- but you've heard the old tired cliche about teenage boys and eating? Well, I can attest that It's All True. All of it!
This kiddo can literally eat us out of house and home, and always has -- think of the 'Jughead' character from the Archie comics. Yep, that's my son. Perpetually starving, all of the time -- with a constant need to consume calories. Note please that he is extremely physically active, in addition to all the regular teenage growth -- so his metabolic rate must be through the stratosphere. He's very involved with a physically-active, extra-curricular activity, for which he must practice and train almost daily. Tall for his age (over 6 feet at newly 15), he's extremely slim, and toned --without an extra ounce of body fat anywhere to be seen (guess he has a 'hollow' leg to stash all the food he can pile away in a sitting)....
Compared to that eating machine, my husband, daughter and I are 'light' consumers, relatively speaking anyway. I got used to making very simple, light meals while my son was away, that satisfied the three of us at least (but which he would likely have found lacking). Cooking was uncomplicated. Heck, I barely even shopped (and I'd wager we saved serious money in the way of groceries these past 6 weeks in the process!). There were no grumblings, no complaints of 'why is there nothing to EAT around here!'. ... Plus, most importantly, in regards to me? I'm realizing it was a heck of a lot easier to exert the personal self control needed for my own health habits while he was away.
Therein, the peace and quiet of the summer has changed a bit in the short while he's been home, hello!
Suddenly, I'm thinking about Food all the time again -- not necessarily for ME, but in order to try to keep one step ahead of HIM. I think I've already been shopping already more times this past week than I did the whole previous six -- trying to find things for him to grab and go, or cook himself (happily, he is pretty good about that) between meals. My meal planning has become more complicated again -- in order to try to incorporate his tastes and nutritional needs. Once again I'm stocking those snacky items that I didn't even think twice about all summer.
Not to mention the jump start in activity level that happened once he came back -- with me running around again to get him to his various activities, practices, educational and social events, etc. It has definitely upped my stress level compared to the dull, quiet days of the last few months. I'm still trying to get used this new schedule (which will even increase with the start of fall I know) -- for sure, stress for me is the enemy of my emotional eating issues, heh!
As such, this transition seems to be a bit of a trial to my self control -- and I admit it's taken a bit of a slide. Maybe not terribly so? (yet) -- but I'm definitely eating MORE quantity, with LESS quality, since he's been back. Finding time to get to the gym is different too, my schedule has changed so much (not that I blame him in any way, mind you -- I'm just more challenged I guess, and need to get a grip and pay more attention to what I'm doing....).... Because as I know all to well, if I don't reign this in all the good I achieved this summer will be for naught.
It's always so hard for me to stick with any resolve during p.m.s. time. Perhaps I should just accept this (?). Hmmm, can I get ahead in a healthful way physically if I stick to a plan only 3 weeks out of every month? (well, I suppose it's better than unhealthful habits 4 weeks of every month, no?)....
It's been a little while since my last entry, and several things have changed around here since then. Probably the most significant is that my darling teenage son, whom we all adore (all that is, but his younger sister, heh), has returned to us from the 6 week athletic camp/intensive thingie he was participating in in another state this summer. He learned a lot and improved skills and it was overall a great experience for him. We went to fetch him and bring him back just over a week ago. I missed him very much while he was away of course, and thrilled to have him back home....
However, I must confess, having him back in the house does change the dynamic around the household considerably. The 'energy' is different, the overall activity level has ramped way up. And especially when it comes to food, meals and eating? Very different!
Just an all-around great kid -- but you've heard the old tired cliche about teenage boys and eating? Well, I can attest that It's All True. All of it!
This kiddo can literally eat us out of house and home, and always has -- think of the 'Jughead' character from the Archie comics. Yep, that's my son. Perpetually starving, all of the time -- with a constant need to consume calories. Note please that he is extremely physically active, in addition to all the regular teenage growth -- so his metabolic rate must be through the stratosphere. He's very involved with a physically-active, extra-curricular activity, for which he must practice and train almost daily. Tall for his age (over 6 feet at newly 15), he's extremely slim, and toned --without an extra ounce of body fat anywhere to be seen (guess he has a 'hollow' leg to stash all the food he can pile away in a sitting)....
Compared to that eating machine, my husband, daughter and I are 'light' consumers, relatively speaking anyway. I got used to making very simple, light meals while my son was away, that satisfied the three of us at least (but which he would likely have found lacking). Cooking was uncomplicated. Heck, I barely even shopped (and I'd wager we saved serious money in the way of groceries these past 6 weeks in the process!). There were no grumblings, no complaints of 'why is there nothing to EAT around here!'. ... Plus, most importantly, in regards to me? I'm realizing it was a heck of a lot easier to exert the personal self control needed for my own health habits while he was away.
Therein, the peace and quiet of the summer has changed a bit in the short while he's been home, hello!
Suddenly, I'm thinking about Food all the time again -- not necessarily for ME, but in order to try to keep one step ahead of HIM. I think I've already been shopping already more times this past week than I did the whole previous six -- trying to find things for him to grab and go, or cook himself (happily, he is pretty good about that) between meals. My meal planning has become more complicated again -- in order to try to incorporate his tastes and nutritional needs. Once again I'm stocking those snacky items that I didn't even think twice about all summer.
Not to mention the jump start in activity level that happened once he came back -- with me running around again to get him to his various activities, practices, educational and social events, etc. It has definitely upped my stress level compared to the dull, quiet days of the last few months. I'm still trying to get used this new schedule (which will even increase with the start of fall I know) -- for sure, stress for me is the enemy of my emotional eating issues, heh!
As such, this transition seems to be a bit of a trial to my self control -- and I admit it's taken a bit of a slide. Maybe not terribly so? (yet) -- but I'm definitely eating MORE quantity, with LESS quality, since he's been back. Finding time to get to the gym is different too, my schedule has changed so much (not that I blame him in any way, mind you -- I'm just more challenged I guess, and need to get a grip and pay more attention to what I'm doing....).... Because as I know all to well, if I don't reign this in all the good I achieved this summer will be for naught.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Pep Talk
I hit the gym with a little renewed fervor yesterday. I guess having a even a small visual indication, no matter how subtle, that the exercise is actually Doing Something, was a wee shot in the arm for me.
I do have a dark history of jump-starting ambitious fitness endeavors and sticking with them for some time, before allowing them to gradually taper off in frustration when I fail to see any obvious visual effects -- because the exercise "doesn't seem to be Doing Anything anyway". Only to discover later how very wrong I was, when, much to my dismay, my weight would actually drift up a few pounds upon stopping. Making me realize that the exercise was indeed very much Doing Something -- as in keeping me from getting even bigger, if anything else.... Well, with several such experiences under my belt over the years, I think I've gotten this all too important message finally drummed into my thick head.
Now, when I'm talking about obvious visual effects? Naturally I mean noticeable 'weight loss' or 'toning' or 'size reduction' in some way. The ADD, short-sighted person in me always desires this sort of instant gratification -- when actually, the fact of the matter is, all along there are and always have been a bounty of positive and pleasurable effects to working out. Equally, if not even more more important than those readily measurable by the eye. The gains in strength and stamina, the improved energy, flexibility, hormonal benefits, etc. Intellectually I've always known this (whether I wanted to admit it or not), even as I let my fitness programs slide and gradually bite the dust over the years, one by one (all because I wasn't 'losing weight').
Today I finally know better, and understand that I can't take able-bodiness for granted like I used to. For one thing, I'm older now, 41 years. My body is older. Things are 'different'. Suddenly, I can clearly imagine just how much faster things could go downhill physically for me than they might have in my 20's, or even in my 30's. Yeah. It's definitely "Use It Or Lose It" time.....
The truth is, I do believe my overall fitness level is reasonably fair, given my age/size/etc. At least average, I believe. I enjoy walking and biking, and can do so for goodly distances, without undue effort (and with great pleasure). Last month, my family took a camping trip out west, where we did a lot of hiking, in the mountains, at high altitude (which as a flat lander I'm not used to at all). Some of the trails got pretty steep, yet I was able to keep up. I'm currently lifting 40 pounds when doing the bicep curl strength machine (doing 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps). I bench press the naked steel bar (no added weight) in the free-weight area easily -- I believe it's 45 pounds (3 sets of 15 reps). I can squat and stand back up with relative ease. And also, I rarely, rarely ever get sick (even colds). So no, while I'm not going to be entering the Olympics anytime soon -- nor am I as fit as many other people, nor even in fact as fit as I might have the potential to be personally -- there have been definite strides this last half year of gym membership. Always room for improvement of course -- and so I will continue to keep on, keeping on.
Indeed, the exercise, despite not losing a single solitary pound (as usual) in these six months of working out, is definitely 'Doing Something'.....
I do have a dark history of jump-starting ambitious fitness endeavors and sticking with them for some time, before allowing them to gradually taper off in frustration when I fail to see any obvious visual effects -- because the exercise "doesn't seem to be Doing Anything anyway". Only to discover later how very wrong I was, when, much to my dismay, my weight would actually drift up a few pounds upon stopping. Making me realize that the exercise was indeed very much Doing Something -- as in keeping me from getting even bigger, if anything else.... Well, with several such experiences under my belt over the years, I think I've gotten this all too important message finally drummed into my thick head.
Now, when I'm talking about obvious visual effects? Naturally I mean noticeable 'weight loss' or 'toning' or 'size reduction' in some way. The ADD, short-sighted person in me always desires this sort of instant gratification -- when actually, the fact of the matter is, all along there are and always have been a bounty of positive and pleasurable effects to working out. Equally, if not even more more important than those readily measurable by the eye. The gains in strength and stamina, the improved energy, flexibility, hormonal benefits, etc. Intellectually I've always known this (whether I wanted to admit it or not), even as I let my fitness programs slide and gradually bite the dust over the years, one by one (all because I wasn't 'losing weight').
Today I finally know better, and understand that I can't take able-bodiness for granted like I used to. For one thing, I'm older now, 41 years. My body is older. Things are 'different'. Suddenly, I can clearly imagine just how much faster things could go downhill physically for me than they might have in my 20's, or even in my 30's. Yeah. It's definitely "Use It Or Lose It" time.....
The truth is, I do believe my overall fitness level is reasonably fair, given my age/size/etc. At least average, I believe. I enjoy walking and biking, and can do so for goodly distances, without undue effort (and with great pleasure). Last month, my family took a camping trip out west, where we did a lot of hiking, in the mountains, at high altitude (which as a flat lander I'm not used to at all). Some of the trails got pretty steep, yet I was able to keep up. I'm currently lifting 40 pounds when doing the bicep curl strength machine (doing 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps). I bench press the naked steel bar (no added weight) in the free-weight area easily -- I believe it's 45 pounds (3 sets of 15 reps). I can squat and stand back up with relative ease. And also, I rarely, rarely ever get sick (even colds). So no, while I'm not going to be entering the Olympics anytime soon -- nor am I as fit as many other people, nor even in fact as fit as I might have the potential to be personally -- there have been definite strides this last half year of gym membership. Always room for improvement of course -- and so I will continue to keep on, keeping on.
Indeed, the exercise, despite not losing a single solitary pound (as usual) in these six months of working out, is definitely 'Doing Something'.....
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Pool Cool
So last night I took my daughter and her friend to the pool. Yep, you heard me right -- The Pool.
In the distant past, when I was young and beautiful but had those horrible, warped, 'thin-but-thought-I-was-enormously-fat' issues (like, 20 years ago), you could not have PAID me to put on a bathing suit and go gallivanting at a pool. Never ever. And really, what a shame. A crime. A waste of Life (which is too damn short as it is). No, today I actually AM fat, hello -- but, while I'm not exactly happy about it, I'm not going to let so much Life pass me by anymore either (thank you, Joy Nash and your wonderful Fat Rant III: http://fatrantblog.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/fat-rant-3-staircase-wit/)
It was hotter than the blue blazes yesterday, and humid -- exactly like a sauna. I finally came This Close to breaking down and firing up the air conditioner (yes, we are stubborn hold outs)... but no. Instead, I suggested a dip in the public pool was in order, much to my daughter's delight. My first visit of the season -- and once I hit that wonderfully refreshing, evening water I couldn't possibly imagine why I hadn't done this yet this summer. Well, actually I probably could imagine -- perhaps because the thought of parading my estimated 250 or so pounds around in a bathing suit in public hasn't always filled me with enormous enthusiasm??? Well, I'm determined to get over myself -- and last night felt like a new beginning somehow.
All in all, I felt very comfortable in my suit -- just a regular, black, one-piece, with no skirt or shorts. For years, I've worn swimsuits with little skirts or faux, built-in shorts. My last suit was truly hideous in every way (color/shape/style/you name it) -- I'd shopped too late in the season and was forced to pick the only thing left on the rack with sewn-on shorts. Super ugly, but by god the thing had SHORTS -- so, I wore it. Begrudgingly. Finally though, I replaced it last year or so with another suit -- just a regular suit, that, while I liked the basic style of it, it possessed no requisite, security-blanket shorts/skirt. My solution at the time I was buying it (at Target), was to just walk a few steps over to the men's department on the other side of the fitting rooms and pick up a pair of loose, basket ball-style, athletic shorts to wear with it. Well, last night I decided 'aw, to heck with it' -- and wore the suit sans shorts. How liberating! Plus I wasn't filled with enormous dread by what I saw in the locker-room mirrors either (so not only did I feel more comfortable in my suit -- I was feeling more comfortable in my SKIN?). Perhaps these last 6 months of regularly working out at the gym, despite no apparent weight-loss nor obvious decrease in overall size (insert small sigh here), HAS had an effect. I looked, what...? Firmer maybe...?
At any rate, the swimming was lovely. I'm not a strong swimmer by nature, but I can get around well enough, and I did. Back and forth across the pool, comfortably treading water -- very relaxing, and fun. My daughter and I made games of going across without using our arms, then without using our legs. I'm sure there was exercise-worthiness somewhere in that....
In the distant past, when I was young and beautiful but had those horrible, warped, 'thin-but-thought-I-was-enormously-fat' issues (like, 20 years ago), you could not have PAID me to put on a bathing suit and go gallivanting at a pool. Never ever. And really, what a shame. A crime. A waste of Life (which is too damn short as it is). No, today I actually AM fat, hello -- but, while I'm not exactly happy about it, I'm not going to let so much Life pass me by anymore either (thank you, Joy Nash and your wonderful Fat Rant III: http://fatrantblog.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/fat-rant-3-staircase-wit/)
It was hotter than the blue blazes yesterday, and humid -- exactly like a sauna. I finally came This Close to breaking down and firing up the air conditioner (yes, we are stubborn hold outs)... but no. Instead, I suggested a dip in the public pool was in order, much to my daughter's delight. My first visit of the season -- and once I hit that wonderfully refreshing, evening water I couldn't possibly imagine why I hadn't done this yet this summer. Well, actually I probably could imagine -- perhaps because the thought of parading my estimated 250 or so pounds around in a bathing suit in public hasn't always filled me with enormous enthusiasm??? Well, I'm determined to get over myself -- and last night felt like a new beginning somehow.
All in all, I felt very comfortable in my suit -- just a regular, black, one-piece, with no skirt or shorts. For years, I've worn swimsuits with little skirts or faux, built-in shorts. My last suit was truly hideous in every way (color/shape/style/you name it) -- I'd shopped too late in the season and was forced to pick the only thing left on the rack with sewn-on shorts. Super ugly, but by god the thing had SHORTS -- so, I wore it. Begrudgingly. Finally though, I replaced it last year or so with another suit -- just a regular suit, that, while I liked the basic style of it, it possessed no requisite, security-blanket shorts/skirt. My solution at the time I was buying it (at Target), was to just walk a few steps over to the men's department on the other side of the fitting rooms and pick up a pair of loose, basket ball-style, athletic shorts to wear with it. Well, last night I decided 'aw, to heck with it' -- and wore the suit sans shorts. How liberating! Plus I wasn't filled with enormous dread by what I saw in the locker-room mirrors either (so not only did I feel more comfortable in my suit -- I was feeling more comfortable in my SKIN?). Perhaps these last 6 months of regularly working out at the gym, despite no apparent weight-loss nor obvious decrease in overall size (insert small sigh here), HAS had an effect. I looked, what...? Firmer maybe...?
At any rate, the swimming was lovely. I'm not a strong swimmer by nature, but I can get around well enough, and I did. Back and forth across the pool, comfortably treading water -- very relaxing, and fun. My daughter and I made games of going across without using our arms, then without using our legs. I'm sure there was exercise-worthiness somewhere in that....
"Nice Jewish Fat Girl"
Well, shuckey durn. A newish weight loss blog I had just recently stumbled upon, and was beginning to enjoy since I felt I had a lot in common with the blogger (age/weight/size/general attitude, etc), seems to have already bitten the dust: http://nicejewishfatgirl.blogspot.com/ .
I did notice, after posting with regularity for a few months, she hadn't updated since the middle of July -- not the best of signs, as I personally know only too well (waves hand). Now her journal seems disbanded entirely. Aw. So long, Nice Jewish Fat Girl -- here's hoping everything works out the very best for you....
I did notice, after posting with regularity for a few months, she hadn't updated since the middle of July -- not the best of signs, as I personally know only too well (waves hand). Now her journal seems disbanded entirely. Aw. So long, Nice Jewish Fat Girl -- here's hoping everything works out the very best for you....
Monday, July 28, 2008
To (P)each His Own....
Lots of biking still, with my daughter. Plus, lately I've been getting out the bike when I have small errands to run. Saves gas....
In regards to my food consumption -- the overeating demons have raised their ugly heads here and there in the past week. My spirits took a small dive this past weekend for example -- not even sure the cause of that, BUT, since I'm an emotional eater/a stress eater/a low point eater/a high point eater/a celebratory eater/a sympathetic eater/a boredom eater/an avoidance eater/a nervous eater/a depression eater/a happy eater/an angry eater/an excitement eater, and whatever other kind of emotion you can possibly think of..., I felt... can you guess??? Indeed, the overwhelming desire to EAT and consume FOOD! When I wasn't hungry!
Fortunately, I've been managing to stick to the McDougalling, even in the face of these hideous compulsions. So while I was likely eating too much? At least it's been too much of the oil-free broccoli brown rice stir-fry, or the fresh pico-de-gallo topped, scratch-simmered pinto beans, or quick-microwaved sweet potatoes. My refined sugar intake continues to be very low, as has my overall fat consumption (successfully avoiding the peanut butter, the tahini, the tofu, the olive oil, etc. And No Dairy -- nada, none, zilch. So maybe there hasn't been too terribly severe damage?)
I went grocery shopping on Sunday, hungry no less (living dangerously here) -- but was able to stick to the basics I went for (fresh veg and fruit, a few canned goods, etc) with very little temptation. The one questionable thing I did buy was the package of frozen, microwavable soft pretzels -- they were just looking awfully tasty to me in my famished state, and checking out the label I was surprised to find the ingredients weren't as dreadful as I was anticipating -- not too many added chemicals (none unpronounceable), and no added oils. Yes to the white flour nastiness -- but with a mere 1 gram of fat per serving they didn't seem too terribly sinful, and into my cart they were tossed (with a few into my stomach later on)....
I've also been eating lots of fresh peaches -- peaches, peaches and more peaches. We love our fresh fruit around here -- so when the opportunity to purchase a bushel of peaches presented itself we took advantage. And if eating too many gorgeous, juicy-sweet fresh Georgia peaches is wrong? I don't wanna be right....
In regards to my food consumption -- the overeating demons have raised their ugly heads here and there in the past week. My spirits took a small dive this past weekend for example -- not even sure the cause of that, BUT, since I'm an emotional eater/a stress eater/a low point eater/a high point eater/a celebratory eater/a sympathetic eater/a boredom eater/an avoidance eater/a nervous eater/a depression eater/a happy eater/an angry eater/an excitement eater, and whatever other kind of emotion you can possibly think of..., I felt... can you guess??? Indeed, the overwhelming desire to EAT and consume FOOD! When I wasn't hungry!
Fortunately, I've been managing to stick to the McDougalling, even in the face of these hideous compulsions. So while I was likely eating too much? At least it's been too much of the oil-free broccoli brown rice stir-fry, or the fresh pico-de-gallo topped, scratch-simmered pinto beans, or quick-microwaved sweet potatoes. My refined sugar intake continues to be very low, as has my overall fat consumption (successfully avoiding the peanut butter, the tahini, the tofu, the olive oil, etc. And No Dairy -- nada, none, zilch. So maybe there hasn't been too terribly severe damage?)
I went grocery shopping on Sunday, hungry no less (living dangerously here) -- but was able to stick to the basics I went for (fresh veg and fruit, a few canned goods, etc) with very little temptation. The one questionable thing I did buy was the package of frozen, microwavable soft pretzels -- they were just looking awfully tasty to me in my famished state, and checking out the label I was surprised to find the ingredients weren't as dreadful as I was anticipating -- not too many added chemicals (none unpronounceable), and no added oils. Yes to the white flour nastiness -- but with a mere 1 gram of fat per serving they didn't seem too terribly sinful, and into my cart they were tossed (with a few into my stomach later on)....
I've also been eating lots of fresh peaches -- peaches, peaches and more peaches. We love our fresh fruit around here -- so when the opportunity to purchase a bushel of peaches presented itself we took advantage. And if eating too many gorgeous, juicy-sweet fresh Georgia peaches is wrong? I don't wanna be right....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Fair Fare
The day before on our epic bike ride, my daughter and I were riding through a local park/fair grounds and stumbled across our local county fair in action. I hadn't even realized it was in town. We weren't at all prepared to go at the time (no money, no bike locks), but I promised DD we'd return the next night. Which we did, just the two of us (my husband busy, and my son away at camp)....
Years ago, we once lived in a community in another state that REALLY knew how to put on a County Fair. I guess that particular region was still rural enough -- with plenty of family farming operations for whom the county fair was still apparently an important and meaningful event. One could spend the who day there checking it all out -- always tons of domesticated farm animals of every kind and breed on display (cows, pigs, horses, sheep, llamas, goats, chickens, geese, rabbits, and on and on), plenty of garden vegetable entries, complete with judging on dozens of pies, cakes, cake decorating, breads, canned goods, pickles, jellies and jams, quilts and on and on and on. Plus vendors, lots of vendors -- all with entire buildings dedicated to house and display these very items. Our fair here is quite different. There isn't nearly the emphasis on farm life, nor those quaint and nearly-extinct domestic skills (only a few paltry tables, in one room, were necessary to display ALL last night's fair entries -- plus one small area of the grounds for the show cows, pigs, and sheep). Our county fair is primarily about the carnie rides and fair food -- all wrapped up within an ever-so-slightly seedy atmosphere. I didn't expect to see many people I knew, nor (aside from one vaguely familiar face or two) did I....
As such we had a really fun (abeit expensive) time. I'd run to the gym in the late afternoon (40 sweaty minutes on the elliptical), and had taken a shower. I'd then figured since I'd gone to THAT trouble, I may as well put in my contacts (which I save only for special occasions, since I have chronic dry eyes and they aren't comfortable). Upon which I figured why stop there? and even put on a little make-up, which I rarely do anymore (because I'm more of the natural, hippie-mama type these days, not to mention the fact that I seem to have developed an allergy to it these last several years). So all in all, I was feeling pretty cute....
Did I mention the fair food? Whew, what a selection -- I think every conceivable choice available (complete with fried twinkies). My daughter was hungry and I was able to steer her (it wasn't a hard-sell) toward probably the healthiest vegetarian option there -- a 'veggie gyro' (veggies and feta on pita). We went and sat among the peeps eating their whole turkey legs and funnel cake as she ate her pita -- me consuming only the last bite or two that she couldn't finish. I also sampled a sip of the lemon shake up she got later, as well as a bite or so of the requisite cotton candy we purchased on our way out. Note that in the (very) recent past, I might well have been tempted by either the french fries, the soft pretzels, or cheese pizza, fudge, or, most especially, the 'blooming onion'. Dont' know what the future may bring (since I'm so wishy washy), but for last night at least, I was able to abstain with almost no effort.
And I was relieved to find out I wasn't too fat for the rides either -- which I admit was a teensy small thought in the back of my mind. Dont' know what my weight is at the mo' -- but, based upon how my clothes are fitting, I'm thinking somewhere around 255...? (Note that this blog was originally initiated, nearly two years ago, by my shock at discovering I actually weighed 250 -- my highest ever (at THAT time, sigh) -- though in recent months when I dared to weigh (on the very eve of my period no less -- probably not the best idea) the scale read 2-6-0 (culminating in More Shock - indeed, likely the instigation behind the resurgence of this blog, hello)...).
Years ago, we once lived in a community in another state that REALLY knew how to put on a County Fair. I guess that particular region was still rural enough -- with plenty of family farming operations for whom the county fair was still apparently an important and meaningful event. One could spend the who day there checking it all out -- always tons of domesticated farm animals of every kind and breed on display (cows, pigs, horses, sheep, llamas, goats, chickens, geese, rabbits, and on and on), plenty of garden vegetable entries, complete with judging on dozens of pies, cakes, cake decorating, breads, canned goods, pickles, jellies and jams, quilts and on and on and on. Plus vendors, lots of vendors -- all with entire buildings dedicated to house and display these very items. Our fair here is quite different. There isn't nearly the emphasis on farm life, nor those quaint and nearly-extinct domestic skills (only a few paltry tables, in one room, were necessary to display ALL last night's fair entries -- plus one small area of the grounds for the show cows, pigs, and sheep). Our county fair is primarily about the carnie rides and fair food -- all wrapped up within an ever-so-slightly seedy atmosphere. I didn't expect to see many people I knew, nor (aside from one vaguely familiar face or two) did I....
As such we had a really fun (abeit expensive) time. I'd run to the gym in the late afternoon (40 sweaty minutes on the elliptical), and had taken a shower. I'd then figured since I'd gone to THAT trouble, I may as well put in my contacts (which I save only for special occasions, since I have chronic dry eyes and they aren't comfortable). Upon which I figured why stop there? and even put on a little make-up, which I rarely do anymore (because I'm more of the natural, hippie-mama type these days, not to mention the fact that I seem to have developed an allergy to it these last several years). So all in all, I was feeling pretty cute....
Did I mention the fair food? Whew, what a selection -- I think every conceivable choice available (complete with fried twinkies). My daughter was hungry and I was able to steer her (it wasn't a hard-sell) toward probably the healthiest vegetarian option there -- a 'veggie gyro' (veggies and feta on pita). We went and sat among the peeps eating their whole turkey legs and funnel cake as she ate her pita -- me consuming only the last bite or two that she couldn't finish. I also sampled a sip of the lemon shake up she got later, as well as a bite or so of the requisite cotton candy we purchased on our way out. Note that in the (very) recent past, I might well have been tempted by either the french fries, the soft pretzels, or cheese pizza, fudge, or, most especially, the 'blooming onion'. Dont' know what the future may bring (since I'm so wishy washy), but for last night at least, I was able to abstain with almost no effort.
And I was relieved to find out I wasn't too fat for the rides either -- which I admit was a teensy small thought in the back of my mind. Dont' know what my weight is at the mo' -- but, based upon how my clothes are fitting, I'm thinking somewhere around 255...? (Note that this blog was originally initiated, nearly two years ago, by my shock at discovering I actually weighed 250 -- my highest ever (at THAT time, sigh) -- though in recent months when I dared to weigh (on the very eve of my period no less -- probably not the best idea) the scale read 2-6-0 (culminating in More Shock - indeed, likely the instigation behind the resurgence of this blog, hello)...).
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bike Hike
Another epic bike ride with my daughter last night -- riding around town exploring various distant neighborhoods for at least 2.5 hours. And even then it was only the threatening stormy sky that brought us home (just ahead of the rain). Despite the heat, it felt cool riding - the breeze on my skin beating out the heat index somehow I guess.
What is it about cycling? I always adored riding my trusty bike as a kid -- it always felt so freeing, even empowering. And at 41 years of age? It still does. I swear I just can't ever feel blue when I'm on a bike -- something about that feeling of the wind in my face, the scenery flying by. Magical.
I'm so appreciative that I can share this joy with my daughter, and that she adores it as much as I do....
What is it about cycling? I always adored riding my trusty bike as a kid -- it always felt so freeing, even empowering. And at 41 years of age? It still does. I swear I just can't ever feel blue when I'm on a bike -- something about that feeling of the wind in my face, the scenery flying by. Magical.
I'm so appreciative that I can share this joy with my daughter, and that she adores it as much as I do....
Monday, July 21, 2008
Liking the Biking
No gym yesterday, though I did take a long and enjoyable bike ride with my 11 year old daughter (despite the heat). We love doing that together whenever we can.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Zip Trip
Curious this morning, I tried on the size 18 W, LL Bean Wide Leg Jeans (which I've written extensively in the past) to find that they zipped ... WITHOUT LYING DOWN.
(!)
Thank goodness for small victories, eh? Granted they would still be too snug for true comfort, though I'm not wearing them in this blasted heat anyway (I'd still make myself if I had to, as I was unpleasantly forced to earlier this spring) . My one, simple desire... is only to be able to wear them again, relaxably loose (I'm making up words) and comfortable, by cooler weather this coming fall. Surely not overly ambitious? And something I could totally live with.....
(!)
Thank goodness for small victories, eh? Granted they would still be too snug for true comfort, though I'm not wearing them in this blasted heat anyway (I'd still make myself if I had to, as I was unpleasantly forced to earlier this spring) . My one, simple desire... is only to be able to wear them again, relaxably loose (I'm making up words) and comfortable, by cooler weather this coming fall. Surely not overly ambitious? And something I could totally live with.....
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Saturday Afternoon
I did not get to the gym yesterday despite my bestest intentions (and it was my official 'gym-niversary' no less (6 months!), oh well...). I did however today, for 45 minutes on the elliptical, 25 minutes on the treadmill, plus some arm work.
Hadn't done the treadmill in ages, so that was a little different for me, though I'm tempted to start sprinkling in treadmill workouts here and there. When I first joined my gym 6 months ago, the treadmill was all I ever did, because I'd never tried an elliptical before and was quite intimidated. In fact, the whole gym experience overall was a pretty new and intimidating thing for me. I was terribly self conscious at the beginning (despite the fact this is just a very small, no frills gym chain), and it took a good long while before I was truly comfortable running around the joint (so glad I got over it). As for the elliptical, I had to build up my courage to give it a whirl -- once I finally did I actually began favoring it in short order, to the point that it's what I've exclusively been using for the last several months. No doubt however it's a good idea to vary workouts and go back and forth between the two machines. They do feel very different.
I followed my gym visit this afternoon with a very intense 2-hour vegetable gardening and weed pulling session, which involved much bending over, yanking and squatting. Rather sore and exhausted right now -- I think the gardening in the sunny humid inferno just about did me in. But it was very critical, with all the foot-high invaders of the weed variety trying to take over. It's all whipped into shape now, the garden. I even picked my first harvest of the season: 4 very small tomatoes (cherry romas? -- is there such a thing?), a hefty hungarian-style yellow pepper (plus an orphaned, medium-sized green tomato I found that had somehow broken off) -- quite exciting! It all went into the fresh batch of pico-di-gallo I made again tonight (swear I cannot get enough of that stuff).
Hadn't done the treadmill in ages, so that was a little different for me, though I'm tempted to start sprinkling in treadmill workouts here and there. When I first joined my gym 6 months ago, the treadmill was all I ever did, because I'd never tried an elliptical before and was quite intimidated. In fact, the whole gym experience overall was a pretty new and intimidating thing for me. I was terribly self conscious at the beginning (despite the fact this is just a very small, no frills gym chain), and it took a good long while before I was truly comfortable running around the joint (so glad I got over it). As for the elliptical, I had to build up my courage to give it a whirl -- once I finally did I actually began favoring it in short order, to the point that it's what I've exclusively been using for the last several months. No doubt however it's a good idea to vary workouts and go back and forth between the two machines. They do feel very different.
I followed my gym visit this afternoon with a very intense 2-hour vegetable gardening and weed pulling session, which involved much bending over, yanking and squatting. Rather sore and exhausted right now -- I think the gardening in the sunny humid inferno just about did me in. But it was very critical, with all the foot-high invaders of the weed variety trying to take over. It's all whipped into shape now, the garden. I even picked my first harvest of the season: 4 very small tomatoes (cherry romas? -- is there such a thing?), a hefty hungarian-style yellow pepper (plus an orphaned, medium-sized green tomato I found that had somehow broken off) -- quite exciting! It all went into the fresh batch of pico-di-gallo I made again tonight (swear I cannot get enough of that stuff).
Technical Nincompoop
Oh my goodness, how thick can I possibly be...?
Finally, after a few YEARS of keeping this blog (though admittedly it's been mostly only intermittently. ahem) I finally found for the first time COMMENTS I never even realized I had -- from waaaaay back too. As in years. And I just read them all right now -- for the very first time. Well, well! Hopefully they are all properly unlocked now. Such nice comments too, that deserved responses --although obviously that ship has long since sailed. But thanks to all the nice people for the kind words of encouragement, though I'm certain you are all very, very far away by now....
A shame it took me this long to figure this out. Bummer (and ha, I did often vaguely wonder why I never seemed to get any comments, ever -- not a single one (slapping forehead right now-- very, very hard)....).
Finally, after a few YEARS of keeping this blog (though admittedly it's been mostly only intermittently. ahem) I finally found for the first time COMMENTS I never even realized I had -- from waaaaay back too. As in years. And I just read them all right now -- for the very first time. Well, well! Hopefully they are all properly unlocked now. Such nice comments too, that deserved responses --although obviously that ship has long since sailed. But thanks to all the nice people for the kind words of encouragement, though I'm certain you are all very, very far away by now....
A shame it took me this long to figure this out. Bummer (and ha, I did often vaguely wonder why I never seemed to get any comments, ever -- not a single one (slapping forehead right now-- very, very hard)....).
Friday, July 18, 2008
'McDougalling'
Day whatever of my TOM (the tail end at least) and I'm feeling ever so much better. I don't know what the deal is, but at the risk of TMI I swear these days my entire abdominal cavity now gets terribly swollen and sore during The Event. Indeed, the requisite 'cramping' of course -- but also just overall pressure and sensitivity everywhere, all over the place in there, deep inside my bloated guts. And don't even get me started on the Bloating, which as of this morning has only finally subsided (this used to happen the first day, though these days it doesn't until the very last, sigh). Thankfully it's all pretty much over and done with now (for this cycle anyway) -- ready to get back to regularly scheduled LIFE. With any luck, as I continue along this path to health and wellness perhaps I may find some relief from these aggravating symptoms (crosses fingers).
In any case it was with great relief that I felt flatter in tummy this morning upon waking (and I've written previously just how much my moods can be tied up with THAT). Likely thanks to TOM finally simmering down I'm sure -- but also hoping due in part to my healthier eating habits as of late.
Currently as I try to regain control of my runaway food consumption, I've turned yet again to the McDougall Plan, as I have for the past 18 odd years now (have I written about this before? Don't remember...) -- ever since I just happened to attend a live lecture for fun by this particular vegetarian doctor/author I had never heard of before. The year was 1990, or thereabouts. The lecture (about his ultra-lowfat vegan plan) made a quite a huge impression on me at the time -- and still does. It's my security blanket. Though I've never quite been able to make The Plan a completely permanent lifestyle change? (always falling off the wagon at some point, hard --even after following it for years) -- it's always there for me to crawl back to, as I have time and time again.
So, yet AGAIN, I'm regaining control -- by watching the fat intake and the refined sugars and the excess salt. And avoiding the animal products -- not so difficult really, since despite how out of control the nibbling can get for me at times, in these 25 odd years of vegetarianism, I've never gone back to the meat consumption. Never ever -- never even so much as tempted, and never will be. Now the SUGAR, FAT, SALT, PIZZA, and DAIRY is quite another matter entirely -- BUT, at the very least, I've got the No-Meat-of-any-kind thing down pat. Easy-peasy. And really, I need to remind myself that for most people that's half of the battle right there. Not to mention how crazy easy and fulfilling it is to be a vegetarian in the Summer -- with all the bountiful beautiful fresh fruits and veggies at hand, ahhh (for instance, I made a huge batch of fresh pico-di-gallo last night -- just tomatoes, onions (vidalia), cilantro, a pinch of salt, jalepeno (gotta have the jalepeno!), and lime. So good I think I could live on that stuff all summer long. May go have some right now in fact -- to top a baked potato)....
In any case it was with great relief that I felt flatter in tummy this morning upon waking (and I've written previously just how much my moods can be tied up with THAT). Likely thanks to TOM finally simmering down I'm sure -- but also hoping due in part to my healthier eating habits as of late.
Currently as I try to regain control of my runaway food consumption, I've turned yet again to the McDougall Plan, as I have for the past 18 odd years now (have I written about this before? Don't remember...) -- ever since I just happened to attend a live lecture for fun by this particular vegetarian doctor/author I had never heard of before. The year was 1990, or thereabouts. The lecture (about his ultra-lowfat vegan plan) made a quite a huge impression on me at the time -- and still does. It's my security blanket. Though I've never quite been able to make The Plan a completely permanent lifestyle change? (always falling off the wagon at some point, hard --even after following it for years) -- it's always there for me to crawl back to, as I have time and time again.
So, yet AGAIN, I'm regaining control -- by watching the fat intake and the refined sugars and the excess salt. And avoiding the animal products -- not so difficult really, since despite how out of control the nibbling can get for me at times, in these 25 odd years of vegetarianism, I've never gone back to the meat consumption. Never ever -- never even so much as tempted, and never will be. Now the SUGAR, FAT, SALT, PIZZA, and DAIRY is quite another matter entirely -- BUT, at the very least, I've got the No-Meat-of-any-kind thing down pat. Easy-peasy. And really, I need to remind myself that for most people that's half of the battle right there. Not to mention how crazy easy and fulfilling it is to be a vegetarian in the Summer -- with all the bountiful beautiful fresh fruits and veggies at hand, ahhh (for instance, I made a huge batch of fresh pico-di-gallo last night -- just tomatoes, onions (vidalia), cilantro, a pinch of salt, jalepeno (gotta have the jalepeno!), and lime. So good I think I could live on that stuff all summer long. May go have some right now in fact -- to top a baked potato)....
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Sweating it out
Gym again this morning -- 45 minutes on the eliptical (followed by a little free weighting for the arms). I always try very diligently to keep pace with the music on my ipod, at a reasonably challenging resistance. The quantity of sweat produced during these sessions is just amazing -- drenching my shirt and beading on my face, while dripping off it in sheets. A good sign, I should think? Must be doing something right. I always feel energized afterward at any rate.
I ate with care again today -- watching my fats while keeping to the simple and avoiding the refined sugar. I'm sipping unsweetened, iced red tea right now in fact (might have been tempted to sweeten it with a little somethin'-somethin' in the recent past). Plus today being the 4th day of my TOM, I was finally feeling slightly more human than the past several when I was deep in the thick of things (so to speak). Tomorrow should be even better in that regard (I declare, despite my advanced age of 41, the good ole moon time sure doesn't seem to be getting any easier).
I ate with care again today -- watching my fats while keeping to the simple and avoiding the refined sugar. I'm sipping unsweetened, iced red tea right now in fact (might have been tempted to sweeten it with a little somethin'-somethin' in the recent past). Plus today being the 4th day of my TOM, I was finally feeling slightly more human than the past several when I was deep in the thick of things (so to speak). Tomorrow should be even better in that regard (I declare, despite my advanced age of 41, the good ole moon time sure doesn't seem to be getting any easier).
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Gym Jam
So I went to the gym this afternoon. Indeed, the gym...!
This certainly is a new addition since I last wrote here the better part of a YEAR ago. I joined my small, reasonably-priced, no-frills gym.., what? Nearly 6 months ago now? Half-a-year already -- I'm liking how that sounds (actually, looking at my calendar, the official 6 month mark will be this friday, the 18th). And I'm very pleased to state that, aside from several out of town outings and a few especially busy weeks here and there that were somewhat more miss than hit, my gym attendance has been steady and regular. Not that difficult to keep up with it really, because I very much enjoy my workouts. Plus I can report that there has been marked improvement in my strength and stamina these past 6 months -- Marked Improvement (all the while I do believe my weight sneakily crept up yet even MORE these last 6 minths (what gives?). But that's for another post)....
Today was 50 minutes on the elliptical -- plus some arm work with weight machines.
This certainly is a new addition since I last wrote here the better part of a YEAR ago. I joined my small, reasonably-priced, no-frills gym.., what? Nearly 6 months ago now? Half-a-year already -- I'm liking how that sounds (actually, looking at my calendar, the official 6 month mark will be this friday, the 18th). And I'm very pleased to state that, aside from several out of town outings and a few especially busy weeks here and there that were somewhat more miss than hit, my gym attendance has been steady and regular. Not that difficult to keep up with it really, because I very much enjoy my workouts. Plus I can report that there has been marked improvement in my strength and stamina these past 6 months -- Marked Improvement (all the while I do believe my weight sneakily crept up yet even MORE these last 6 minths (what gives?). But that's for another post)....
Today was 50 minutes on the elliptical -- plus some arm work with weight machines.
Another Day
Me, again. Indeed, here to once again resurrect this wee, neglected journal.... It's definitely time.
Well, what can I say? Life's a journey, no...?
It has been in the back of my mind for ages, this little blog, whereby I've been Thinking about it and Ruminating upon it and Considering crawling back to begin writing within it once again -- wondering if I was ready for it, and if not, just when might I be. And whether it would help.
I mean certainly, of course I KNOW it helps, journaling absolutely helps -- and yet, I also understand that that is true for myself only if/when my head honestly is in the right place. To truly initiate the necessary changes. Only I knew it wasn't. Not at the time, and possibly not anytime soon. Not while my disordered emotionally-charged overeating was raging out of control again.
So I continued to work on it, all along gently talking to myself, psyching my mind up bit by bit, taking baby steps. Making little bargains with myself. Perusing a few on-topic books. Riding out some hurdles. Getting certain things out of the way. Surfing the web for inspiration. Decluttering. Testing the waters. Experiencing a few false starts.
All this in order to re-establish the mindset necessary to Change, specifically in regards to my disordered overeating. To reign the demons and resume control again -- yes, it takes all of this hullabaloo, for whatever reason. Plus Time. MONTHS of it. Amazing just how long it takes actually. Is it like this for alcoholics, this psyche building process, in order to take the leap to recovery? Drug addicts? Well, at any rate..., finally, finally .... Finally I arrived at that critical juncture whereby I could truly commit again.
I'm ready now -- and happy and relieved to state I've made excellent, health supporting food choices for the last several days, keeping the emotionally disordered, overeating demons at bay ....
Already I'm feeling so much better, and not quite the stranger to myself ....
Well, what can I say? Life's a journey, no...?
It has been in the back of my mind for ages, this little blog, whereby I've been Thinking about it and Ruminating upon it and Considering crawling back to begin writing within it once again -- wondering if I was ready for it, and if not, just when might I be. And whether it would help.
I mean certainly, of course I KNOW it helps, journaling absolutely helps -- and yet, I also understand that that is true for myself only if/when my head honestly is in the right place. To truly initiate the necessary changes. Only I knew it wasn't. Not at the time, and possibly not anytime soon. Not while my disordered emotionally-charged overeating was raging out of control again.
So I continued to work on it, all along gently talking to myself, psyching my mind up bit by bit, taking baby steps. Making little bargains with myself. Perusing a few on-topic books. Riding out some hurdles. Getting certain things out of the way. Surfing the web for inspiration. Decluttering. Testing the waters. Experiencing a few false starts.
All this in order to re-establish the mindset necessary to Change, specifically in regards to my disordered overeating. To reign the demons and resume control again -- yes, it takes all of this hullabaloo, for whatever reason. Plus Time. MONTHS of it. Amazing just how long it takes actually. Is it like this for alcoholics, this psyche building process, in order to take the leap to recovery? Drug addicts? Well, at any rate..., finally, finally .... Finally I arrived at that critical juncture whereby I could truly commit again.
I'm ready now -- and happy and relieved to state I've made excellent, health supporting food choices for the last several days, keeping the emotionally disordered, overeating demons at bay ....
Already I'm feeling so much better, and not quite the stranger to myself ....
Sunday, July 13, 2008
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