Boring Background Information, Part One....

So, as stated in my profile, I have 'food issues'. As in 'issues with food'. As in, 'problem eating'. As in, 'unhealthful dining habits'. As in..., 'I abuse food, like a drug, as a numbing measure, an avoidance factor, a stalling technique, a comfort mechanism, a stress reliever and a crutch to help cope and deal with the challenges, both pleasant and unpleasant, of Real Life'. You know, those kinds of issues.....

Well. At least now I can finally admit it to myself....

I've been food-preoccupied for about as long as I can remember....

Mom was a very good cook, and was confident and satisfied in her role as homemaker in the 60's and 70's. She and dad were both depression-era farm kids from huge families. Farmers consume a lot of food, appropriately so for the amount of physical labor involved, particularly back in the day. There were lots of brothers and uncles and farmhands in their childhoods, doing lots of hard, sweaty work and eating lots of rich farm food. Nothing was wasted. Sunday Dinner was an institution. Mom grew up and married, and stayed slim despite the fact she continued the habit of cooking for an army, though we were only a family of six, living in town. My parents gardened, and mom prepared nearly everything from scratch. Meals of my childhood (which was happy by the way) were of the traditional fare, and tasty, and we were encouraged to clean our plates. Although I despised liver and okra and green beans with a passion (now love okra and beans of all kinds), I generally didn't need to be persuaded....

We rarely ate out, but when we did it was a giNORmous treat. I loved McDonald's in particular. I would order a Big Mac, just like Dad, although I was a mere young girlchild, and he was an adult man. That struck me as funny even then. Then I'd secretly try to compete with him in finishing mine first (and typically 'win')....

I had a country cousin close in age to me, an only child, and adopted, who was very indulged in nearly every way. I'd go out and spend days at a time with my aunt and uncle in summers, running around having adventures on the farm. He was an insanely picky eater, my cousin, and stick skinny. He did like eating fast food out though, so his family often would, not infrequently bringing me along. They'd also take us to movies --stocking up at the concession stand first before going in the theater. His mom kept all manner of much coveted-by-me snack foods in the kitchen cupboards -- goodies of the Little Debbie variety, or Oreos (my favorite, which my mom NEVER bought) and also stuff like 'astronaut food' -- paper tubes of chocolatey fudge sticks, or something like that? Well, whatever it was, it was hopelessly exotic to me -- and I'd occasionally try to raid her kitchen drawers and sneak a little when I thought no one was looking....

Being the youngest in my family, at some point my mom must have grown tired of packing brown bags for me in grade school, and was quite willing to purchase hot lunches when I finally requested them. Unlike many kids, I was very much partial to the school lunches -- in particular the hot rolls, the instant mashed potatoes (we always had the real deal at home), the sloppy joes, the salisbury steak, pizza, and fish sandwiches. And I always ate my sides -- the scoop of whatever veggie, the glistening canned fruit. In fact, I would often finish other's lunches for them, when they disliked whatever was served and didn't want it (which was often). When it was fish sandwhich day, for example -- I typically had many offers. I remember thinking, 'Score!'. One of my closest friends at them time was also very food-oriented, and we figured out we could entertain the other kids at the lunch table, by consuming weird combinations of food -- like putting jello upon some corn, upon our mashed potatoes, upon our rolls. The other kids would moan, "You're REALLY going to eat that????". And we would indeed, and they would all groan in protest. Everyone would laugh. We thought it was hilarious....

I was lucky though, because for most of my childhood, despite all the extra calories, while I wasn't the slimmest child around, I wasn't the fattest either. Never an athlete by any stretch of the imagination, I was none-the-less an active kid --climbing trees, riding my bike and running around. And I was quite tall for a long time, compared to my peers, until they finally caught up to me in Jr. High (when I topped out at 5'-7"). Still, being a head or more over everybody until that time, and having such big hands and feet for my age, plus those few extra pounds, always gave me the self-perception of being quite the gargantuan. Finally, by the time I was 10, I was getting noticeably chunkier, although I can't say I was particularly bothered by it yet. By 11 though, I started my period. Then, in short order, I developed my first crush, to a yukky little loser boy in my class --and thus began my first diet, totally self-imposed, in the sixth grade....